Let’s face it, telling the truth when you turn up late for school is never going to wash with tetchy teachers. 90% of us are late because, well, our beds are just too warm and comfy but when you rock up wearing your blazer inside out, your tie on backwards and sporting an interesting barnet you’re going to need to be packing an arsenal of top excuses that might just save your bacon from lunchtime detention.
Here are my top ten excuses for being late for school, go forth and be excused.
The Random Act of Kindness: How can you be angry at someone who’s made themselves late due an impromptu act of sheer kindness? Taking the homeless for a slap up meal, rescuing a puppy from a swollen stream, helping an old lady down from a tree – the choice is yours. Just don’t use this card too often.
The Classic: Although confined to just one sweet day a year, forgetting to put the clocks back is a timeless excuse that’s bulletproof to detention. I’m willing to wager there’s not a person you know who hasn’t been through the frenzied panic of realising this error, the superior breed of teachers included. Relax, hit snooze – you’ve got an hour.
The Blinky Mole: Only for the short of sight this one, the ‘accidental misplacing’ of glasses can lead to series of consequences bound to make even the best of us late. “I’m sorry I’m late sir, I couldn’t find my glasses and put on my sister’s clothes, got on the wrong bus and went to the wrong school.” A very fair excuse in my book, just don’t let it happen for real, eh?
The Trouble with Tech: We’ve all heard about the iPhone 5’s massively rubbish ‘map app’, so why not take advantage of this blunder and blame it on the boffins? “Why are you late boy?” “Please Sir, I set out for school using the iPhone 5 mapping system and ended up in Luton…”
The 1.21 Gigawatt: Ok, so it’s not occurred before but finding a gap in the space/time continuum is bound to happen sooner or later, and why not to you? Upon arriving an hour late on Monday morning, politely explain to the teacher that you were getting a lift with your Uncle Doc in his new DeLorean. When the speed hit 88mph you entered temporal displacement and vanished into the mid-west sometime in the late 1900’s. Suggested background research: Back to the Future 1, 2, 3. Oh, and wear a Stetson.
The Woeful Weather: The great British weather is the natural go-to excuse when anything goes wrong in this country – train companies, Airlines and politicians have all been known to point to the skies when they drop the ball and the same applies to school. Maybe you got lost in fog, blown away by a gale or buried in 5 feet of snow – either way it’s all fair game. N.B check the actual weather before concocting your excuse.
The Wardrobe Malfunction: Getting half way to school and realising you’re still in your PJ’s is certainly one way to make yourself late. Tell them you had to go back for your tie, P.E kit, swimming hat, underpants. Thinking about it, any piece of school accessory will do.
The Day Fail: Deep breath, this one takes guts. Stick an extra slice of toast on or fill another bowl of cornflakes, you’re going to need your strength. If carried off correctly, this excuse can render any awaiting teacher speechless or potentially bent double in laughter. So you turn up late for school, well late. A narked looking head of year is the first to feel your collar as you try to sneak your way in. Now, rubbing your eyes and in your sleepiest voice, say ”I’m sorry, I thought it was Sunday” and hope for the best. Trust me, I’ve seen this work.
The Injury: A broken arm, leg or neck is never going to be a pleasant experience, but a quick trip to the local supermarket can help create all the hallmarks of a serious looking injury without the pain of broken bones. Stock up on plasters, bandages and slings and get creative. Playing the sympathy card is a sure-fire way to get you off Friday morning’s double maths…
The Brown Nose: Arrived late for class and fearing the inevitable wrath? Then do your homework beforehand, not literally of course, I mean find out your teacher’s weakness. Turn up with their favourite chocolate bar, magazine or tobacco brand. You’ll get it in the neck from your mates but nothing cools the blood of a teacher on the rampage like an unexpected treat.
There it is, kids – my top ten excuses for being late. Don’t be too shy to use the comment box and chip in with your suggestions, save a fellow bed-dweller from a world of pain today…